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by angeliska on December 2, 2003

So, sometime in the night tomorrow I shall depart towards Texas-
Homeward bound, only it’s not really- anymore.
Ostensibly, this is to get an echocardiogram
for this mysterious heart murmur
and other Doktor visits, since
come January, I will be insurance-less.
A terrifying prospect.
Also, I’ll go see Death in June.
Should be interesting.
My immune system is a strong beast,
ready to fight off any virulent intruders
with a fierce intention and dauntless fortitude.
Repeat 100 times until it’s true.
Bad dreams of a good friend re-organizing (i.e. tearing apart)
my carefully categorized bookshelves. It took me days.
Somehow there are more books here than when we moved.
Pages ripped out, of the Occult review from 1923
glued on sheets of computer printout paper.
Reminds me of the bad stalker I had-
I still find notes scrawled in the pages
of favorite books even years later.
He’s in prison now for bludgeoning his mother to death.
This is true. Good thing I was in Indonesia at the time.
Back to the dream:
Someone was giving away kittens.
Vague recollections of breaking into an army base,
covert calculations, scanned identification cards.
I go into the city, it’s like Chicago in the 30’s.
I go into Collier’s department store-
their logo is a little girl with a bunny head.
Mostly they sell comic books.
I ask the saleslasy for merchandise with the
Collier bunny-girl logo, but there isn’t any.
She sends me down a moldy corridor
to the wing of Collier’s reserved for
the elderly and infirm.
A boy is giving his aged mother a bath
in a tub black with mold and grime.
She is raving, and keeps spreading her legs
and wailing.
This is disturbing, so I wake up.
Ride the waves of nausea.

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