last night i had the strangest dreams..
so vivid, like little movies in my head..
the first one was..the moving men are moving all of my grandmother’s antiques
out of the mansion (this house, but all ours and fancier) in the middle of the night.
i am furious, they are packing up all her treasures and leaving with them, stealing them..
her china and candlesticks, her salvador dali porcelain sculptures, the chandelier..
i confront them and somehow they provide an acceptable explanation? i don’t really want to doubt them, i want it not to be true- so in dream-world- it isn’t!
next i am sitting with one of the movers, a cute latino boy,
on a bridge overlooking new york city.
he is pointing out to me all his favorite places, and we can see the whole city dancing, the skyscrapers wiggling, all the bridges shaking happily..like some big sesame street cartoon- and you can see his heart filled up with how much he loves his city, and that he wants to show it to me. -he starts flirting shamelessly with me..i scratch him on the arm, as i am wont to do, and calmly he takes my hand in his and does something extremely painful to it.
so painful i can’t even cry out. so painful it doesn’t even really hurt- it’s serious, a sensation beyond pain (but so visceral, for a dream!) he disappears and i turn my attention to the other kids hanging out on the platform- i notice a strange sensation at my elbow and realize the boy has sliced it open..
-laughing i hold it up to show the others, my arm is covered in blood. the wound is very deep, and has been bleeding without me noticing for awhile..everything about the sensation was dead-on: the shock, the light-headedness, the adrenalin rush- giddy and laughing the way i get when seriously hurt..i could feel the blood congealing, i could feel it running down my arm- the pain that isn’t pain, the sick feeling in your stomach when you realize you had better get to a hospital very soon..my arm is seriously fucked.
so they take me over the bridge into the city, to a space age emergency room, where i show the bored night-nurse my arm and her eyes get big. at that point i decide to wake up, because i really don’t want to deal with the hospital and i have safely arrived..
*abre los ojos*
the next dream was like watching a film- a young girl -perhaps amish? mennonite? something like that..sitting in church with her family- she has never met her grandfather- he was a wild rover who never settled down- always rambling..she never gave him much thought, but now he has come back, and wants dearly to meet her..he comes to the church, and looking at him, she can’t deny the familial resemblance. he has sparkling eyes, a big bushy amish-man beard, the family nose. she is polite and demure, as young girls her age ought to be..
later, she sees him again, but he has tranformed- he is a youth, with long eyelashes, golden skin, long chestnut locks all a-tangle, and a mischievious grin..he looks so young? how can he really be old enough to be her grandfather? he has clearly taken a fancy to her, this one who has such a lust for life- is that why he has not aged? there is a sparkle of gray at his temples, and a crow’s foot winking in the corner of his eye, but he tears down the dirt roads like a mad child, over wooden fences and into orchards to steal apples..
he comes to her in the night- her governess wakes her- she sleeps in a space-age maiden pod on the prairie- she opens the door, clad in her diaphanous shift..he looks at her with approval and takes her hand, leads her out onto the dry grass..there are bubbles made of mirrored mylar laid along the prairie- they can lay in them and see eveyone walking by, but remain unseen. in this way they commit their sins, and no one knows.
he can transform. he is the devil. she loves him.
later, he has gone on a’rambling once more, and she is left with his child, a child of incest- everyone knows..she is ostracized by the village but does not care, for she has her love. she has taken to wearing trousers and lives alone in the cornfields, in the orchards, in the rainforests with her inbred child.
there is more, but i can’t recall it now, really..
why is my brain so odd?
i dream about grandparents a lot it would seem..
the heavy rain woke me this morning..
now the air smells of burnt-sugar (from the refinery?)and rain..
a heady combination..
tomorrow is the show..i woke with the realization that we could very well be eligible for non-profit organization grants and things, since we are indeed and non-profit organization..if anyone knows anything about that stuff, please share your knowledge with me?
i’m going to go do some research on it now..
so much to prepare..