Make it stop, please.

by angeliska on April 18, 2005

I woke up Thursday, to find P.’s
bunny rabbit, Toby, on the balcony.
He was very still, gone all gray and flat
where he used to be round and orange,
like a pumpkin.

The death demons have found their way back here,
into our home, and taken away one of our
most beloved, unexpectedly
and for no goddamn reason.

He was just a tiny, he did no wrong.
He was the sweetest and the smartest.
He was her baby, her rock- and now he’s gone
and our little family is torn apart.
The kitty walks around looking for him
in all their old spots, crying forlornly.
They were very good friends, the cat and the rabbit.
The funeral is tomorrow, on the balcony.
And I’m tired of funerals, I’m done with death-
I’ve had enough, we’ve had plenty thank you.
No more grieving process, no more whiskey bottle.
No more loved ones in pain.
No more mouth of madness.
No more annihilation of all we hold dear.
It has got to fucking stop.
I know that some of you are experiencing
a world of death and destruction as well-
and surely there must be an explanation
for this constant cosmic barrage of battering?
Eclipses notwithstanding, ya’ll-
this is fucking ridiculous.
I don’t understand.
I keep asking why why why?
Why should all of these hideous,
horrible things be occurring
in the world, in my world?
The only thing to give me even the
most minute amount of solace,
or at least pause, is the following
words from a Sufi Mystic:
I prostrate myself to your drawn sword.
O, the wonder of your kindness.
O, the wonder of my surrender.
In the very spasm of death I see your face.
O, the wonder of your protection.
O, the wonder of my surrender.
Do not reveal the Truth in a
world where blasphemy prevails.
O, wondrous Source of Mystery.
O, Knower of Secrets.
I bare my neck to your naked blade
O, the wonder of your guidance.
O, the wonder of my surrender.

It made me angry when I first read it-
but it made me think also- quite a bit..
Being very near to rock-bottom, as I am,
I realize that there is very little point
in asking why anymore, and that
I must accept these horrors somehow..
Lay me down on the ground softly softly
Don’t remove my head hurts much too much

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